Me, You, & We Levels of Feedback

A manager pulls a team member aside:

“You need to respond to Slack faster so I don’t have to follow up.”

The team member nods but walks away, frustrated. The manager doesn’t understand why—wasn’t the feedback clear?

Feedback can make or break a team, yet many leaders struggle to make it work. After coaching leaders in top-tier tech companies, I’ve found that many feel confused and frustrated when their feedback doesn’t land.

Over the past decade, our approach to workplace feedback has evolved. Radical Candor by Kim Scott started the conversation, Thanks for the Feedback by Stone and Heen deepened it. Today, organizations recognize that feedback loops and self-correcting mechanisms are essential for individual and team success.

These books shaped my own approach, and I’ve worked with teams at Facebook, Netflix, and Google to navigate the complexities of feedback—managing triggers, power dynamics, and high-stakes conversations.

Now, it’s time to take the conversation further for the next generation of emerging talent. That’s why I’m introducing three categories of feedback—to help you assess and elevate how you and your team deliver feedback. The goal of feedback conversations is to reach team synchronicity.

Table of Contents

• “Me” Feedback

• “You” Feedback

• “We” Feedback

• Elevating Feedback in Your Organization

“Me” Feedback

Managers often give feedback under pressure—whether from company norms, leadership expectations, or their own desire for efficiency. Even when well-intended, this feedback often sounds directive or corrective, consequentially reinforcing hierarchy rather than fostering growth.

That’s because the language of “me " feedback suggests that it benefits the feedback giver more than the receiver. It prioritizes the manager’s frustrations, workload, or leadership expectations rather than the recipient’s development.

Characteristics:

• Overly focused on tactics – Prioritizes compliance over understanding.

• Maintains the status quo – “This is how things are done.”

• More corrective than constructive – “Change this because it frustrates me.”

Examples:

• “You need to respond to Slack faster so I don’t have to follow up.”

• “This is how we’ve always done it, so you should too.”

• “What you said in the meeting made people confused. Let me do the talking.”

“Me” feedback can feel punitive. The recipient often complies without understanding the larger context. A more effective approach is shifting to “You” feedback.

“You” Feedback

“You” feedback shifts the focus from the giver’s needs to the recipient’s growth. It signals investment in the team member by providing insights that help them improve.

Characteristics:

• Motivated by the recipient’s success – “I see what you’re trying to do and want to help.”

• Encourages skill-building – “Here’s how you can refine your approach.”

• More balanced power dynamics – The giver acts as a guide rather than an authority.

Examples:

• “I noticed you’re working on being more concise in meetings. Try leading with your key point first.”

• “Your presentation was strong. Restructuring your argument could make it even more impactful.”

• “Your leadership presence is growing. A slight adjustment in how you prep everyone for your meetings could take it a step further.”

The language of “You” feedback focuses on how the recipient can benefit, but it still comes from an external perspective. The giver may be making assumptions without fully understanding the recipient’s experience. To create truly impactful feedback, shift to “We” feedback.

“We” Feedback

“We” feedback turns feedback into a shared dialogue. Instead of prescribing solutions, it invites collaboration, fostering mutual investment in success. In other words, coaching.

Characteristics:

• Motivated by shared success – “How can we improve this together?”

• Encourages innovation – “Are you open to rethinking our approach?”

• Power is distributed – The giver and receiver collaborate as equals.

Examples:

• “I like your strategy. What if we combined our approaches for a stronger outcome?”

• “Your ideas on team dynamics are great. How about refining them together to shift our culture?”

• “We see this issue differently. How can we leverage both perspectives for a better solution?”

True “We” feedback requires openness from both parties:

1. The feedback giver opens with radical candor and listens with curiosity. They might need to acknowledge their own role in the situation and be open to receiving feedback, not just giving it.

2. The feedback receiver needs to respond, not react. Acknowledging discomfort, avoiding excuses, and appreciating the opportunity to collaborate will move the conversation forward.

With this openness, both parties can then strategize together—exploring behaviors and building accountability.

Elevating Feedback in Your Organization

The first step to impactful feedback is recognizing where you and your team typically operate and making a conscious effort to shift toward more collaborative, growth-oriented conversations.

• If you give “Me” feedback, ask yourself: Is this about my comfort or their growth?

• If you provide “You” feedback, challenge yourself: How can we work on this together?

• If you already engage in “We” feedback, nurture it: How do we build a culture where innovation thrives?

Let’s build a feedback culture that fosters real growth and lasting change—where team members stay aligned, anticipate project needs, and support one another more effectively: synchronicity.